I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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