At least make sure they are 18
Why
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Randomize
