you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
soo... how was my night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
