So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
