Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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