1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
