is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
