Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's official drugs can't kill me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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