Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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