He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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