are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
