Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
