this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
