ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
