Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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