Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
