Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
