If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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