Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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