She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to calm my uterus...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
