am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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