I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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