you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
