ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do herpes really smell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
