I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
