I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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