I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
