im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
