found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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