he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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