Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
