proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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