Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
