Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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