How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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