I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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