Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize