there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
