he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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