ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
