It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
