i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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