you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
