M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
