Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
