You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
