When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
