No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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