I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
