It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
