Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
