I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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