is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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