Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
