Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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