Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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