dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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