i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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