yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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