Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
