she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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