Your face is a jimmy john
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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