i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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