god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
