I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
