just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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