Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
