so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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