I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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