what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
