I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
