His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
