i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
